Feeling of life is back

For a long time I didn't realized that by being in the box that I was in I had become a people pleaser for people to like me and not for what I was but for what I said with kind words or making the laugh but the more I live the more I know that it's not about that it really had to come to crash when I had to be me the one that was trapped in the inside so when the weight came off I had an array of feeling and emotions that I didn't know how to handle for example the feeling of not liking what someone had done and how to tell them before I would smile and make a joke out of it now I tell them the way it is because not that I don't care if they like me but if they are wrong they are wrong
The other one was that I acted like I didn't care how I looked but inside I did the only problem was that I didn't have any clothes to wear now I have a choice of stuff to choose from
So I had to decide what style I was going n to become and what style was going to dress what fit my personality funny I know if someone is reading this you are offended by the misspelled words a grammatical junk but I don't can lol this is the way and the stuff I gone through the last 3 months

I know its been a long time its almost 9 months since the surgery i lost almost 120 lbs its crazy to think that I was locked in a body like that getting out of bed was difficult and doing everyday stuff was a struggle like any of us that know about being big we learn to be great actors we put a face like it like it does not matter what others are thinking but it hurts but we mask it with a smile or a joke some of the benefits * I can do more things with my family * ministry is much easier * there is more confidence* I can choose my clothes not my clothes choose me * I can eat whatever i desire - but I know there are choices
well ill post next week
I started at 315 and now i am 196 lol

14 weeks later

The journey has not been easy I started @ 315 and now I am dadadadada
228 and I am feeling better in all area

* Home - I have energy to do stuff in home and with my peeps
* Church -  I can see in creativity its flowing like crazy I am creating a bunch of graphics and coming up with new ideas -
* Mentor - I am really enjoying spending time with new leaders and not always making food the center of the meeting but the meaningful relationship
* Cyclist - I am loving it I can ride a bunch - my major goal is to rideI know it seems like allot but I am not done yet  I am going to the Gym every day working out for about an hour across Florida

we are in San Diego

well we are here @ San Diego its a beautiful city

in the way to the hotel our driver started telling us about how he had the bypass done he was really encouraging

new day 4 days away

It feels like a crazy idea that in 4 days my life is really going to change -we are about 10 days on the liquid diet and I became anxious and and wanted to get out of the house so i got in my bike and went for a small ride but about a mile into it I got really tired that was the end of that

but I guess its part of the game but one Ill be back in a bike

this is how i look now

Gloria and I are ready for the adventure of a life time

my goal is to loose 100lbs

Ps the other hard thing to overcome is to think that we go out to eat every Sunday after church

but this past wee we chose to go home and have soup